What a "Helen"

Last weekend's crack basically decided that a "Helen" is a mare ("what a Helen.") .. This comes from birds shitting on your car each day, birds shitting on your car after you've washed it and birds shitting on your car whilst washing it. What can I say? JUST MY LUCK. The other night me and a few others decided that I must take everyone's bad luck when it comes to birds pooping al awa your car, my car is a bird shit magnet whilst everyone else goes on living a sound life bird shitless. Really I should not complain but I do, it's what I do best sometimes (especially when it comes to birds pooping all over my clean car) I should be thankful for a lot of things only when one thing in your life in turned upside down it's hard to see what is good in life and what isn't, which is totally where I think all the Helen's come from. When I say "turned upside down" I mean things like being hungover, a general bad mood, a demanding mood, not being able to get a taxi when you want one, so really having a right Helen. As Dan Evans always says "I really don't know how you get up in the morning Helen" me neither!


One thing for I am eventually thankful for is passing my driving test, the convenience of a car is definitely a good thing! Tootling along to people's houses for endless cups of tea and picking Kenty up from work which I also plan to become a regular in Frankie and Benny's. This week I picked Kent up from work where we went back to Chilli Road and acted like idiots for a good hour and a half. This hour and a half consisted of talking about her personal trainer who now has a girlfriend "Does she make you happy oooooo?", impersonating Finding Nemo, refreshing the same page on the web on 3 different apps for updates "Refresh, refresh!" impersonating Geordieshore "..Shot in our hand at al times, toneet is gonna be crackin!" in Bijoux, really? Then again this comes from people who think Koos day is the best night in Newcastle and Riverside is the best club, I'd rather stay at home if I'm honest .. So basically, general laughing like 3 pigs in the back of a taxi. This always leads to serious conversations like comparing relationships to changing your room around. Words of a Kent: "When you change your room around, you always want to be in it and can't wait to get in your room, like a new boyfriend/girlfriend you can't wait to see them, but then after a while you'll get sick of being in your room (the reason why we are sat in the living room) just like you'll get sick of your other half" This was then shortly followed by "I can't believe I just compared to changing your room around to a relationship" I'm not gonna lie, I thought it was quite an impressive metaphor!

Last night I had a lovely night making dinner which consisted of pizza and curly fries followed by a crazy amount of chocolate, for a lovely friend who actually seems to be always there especially when needed most! Including balling on the phone, balling in person and being cheered up by playing golf and going to basket ball games. "CJG!" Anywho, I then realised who mad it is that something that happened 6 months ago can feel like last week. Having one of the best Christmas' ever felt like a month ago and skiing, well that feels like a lifetime away now. Lying chilling in a spa looking up at the mountains listening to Alex Niggemann's Ibiza Voice podcast, what insane person would want to leave? Then again to come home after a 6am start and go straight to Nancy's Bordello to meet the best people in the world was probably the best bit about coming. The night of 3 pigs squealing in the back of a taxi. Little pigs of Cooper, Kent and myself. Laughing so much you cry... Definitely the best way ever to return home!


I am one of these people who love the rain, freezing cold winters, dark mornings and dark nights. No I am not depressed. I just love to be cosy in the house, in front of the (electric) fire. Reasons.. Being a massive cup of tea lover, being all cosy makes a cup of tea taste so much better in everyway. On a summer's day (ish) it doesn't have the same effect at 4pm when it is still light outside, quite warm and ringing Miss Nanda for a daily chat about what shit we are next going to get for our house in September. This is a routine I got into all winter which was the first thing I did when I walked through the door. Now it's probably of the last thing I would do.


Is being shallow a bad thing? Being shallow is defintely not a bad thing, well to an extent anyway. If you're not shallow you'll always settle for second best and what's the point in that? I'm just happy I'm not fat, being someone who goes for 30 year old guys and my best friends actually like me (definitely no hint to who that is there then!)  apologises if that's what you'd go for anyway! Things like that really do make me like and make me thankful for not being a person like that. Sorry if I'm not common, fat, want to be like everyone else and talk like a broad geordie trying to be something I'm not. Not forgetting saying "man" in every sentence 'cause I think I'm totally mint (obviously the case.) Actually come to think of it, it was only this week that I heard someone say "No one should change for anyone" most certainly true, and being common is probably one of my biggest fears in life! Never mind ghosts or the monsters who live under your bed, but being common.. Shit the bed (er literally?)